My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
this hospital has no fireball
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
These tits shall not be calmed
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
