stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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