Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
