A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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