you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
