Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
