I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
