I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
