Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
