I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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