well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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