Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
