There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
