wanna go halves on a baby?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
