Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
