so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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