I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
