I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
