Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Vodka?
Forever.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
