Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize