TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
