so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
