Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
