dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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