my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
