we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
