no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
