blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
