the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
