I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize