she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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