When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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