just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
