Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
