what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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