i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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