I skipped work to stalk him.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
