I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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