Kiss
Puke
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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