I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
