I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize