So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
