Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
