I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
