he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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