Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
