this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
