I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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