Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
