I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
