Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
