If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
