Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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