If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
