Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
