nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize