AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
