my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
