Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
