I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
