I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
