We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
