i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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