I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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