Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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