who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
