I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
