Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
