They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
