He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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