I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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