I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
