If i come over, it means nothing
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize