Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
