What a fucking waste of an outfit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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