i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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