Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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