Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
