Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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