dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
