all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
