they need to just BURY HIM!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
