1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
