I wish I could teleport
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
