i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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