i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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