I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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