He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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