Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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