last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
