dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
