i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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