States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
