i already hear my dad disowning me
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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