i jhust puked up my retainher.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
