if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We have so much sex to catch up on
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
