She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize