I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
