pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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