She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
