I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
