Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
