Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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