yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We have so much sex to catch up on
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
