the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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