: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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