turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
