Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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