My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
