I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
They took my balls.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
