why didn't you poke me back
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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