i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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