She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
