i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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